End of World, Zombie Apocalypse, and CrossFit with the Irresponsible Taken Out

Well, today's blog is quite loaded.  And brought to you by the letter Z.

So it turns out the Mayans had it right – the Zombie Apocalypse *IS* coming at the end of next week.  Guess that means you don't need to worry about that last minute holiday shopping.

I've kinda been waiting for this workout my whole life.  Yes, I am that huge of a nerd (just check my Pinterest page for proof), and I do go to the world famous Denver Zombie Crawl every year.  And Zombieland is tied with Planet Terror for my favorite movie ever.

So, my boy Roman created this Zombie Apocalypse Survival Workout.  It's an awesome blend of barbell work, bodyweight work, sprints, and metabolic conditioning.  It's kinda like CrossFit with all of the irresponsible taken out.  In short, it's totally effing awesome.

What's So Irresponsible About CrossFit

Ok, full disclosure, I got kicked out of CrossFit in spectacular fashion by the founder himself.  So you may take what I say with a grain of salt.

On top of that – I'm not an *elite performance trainer* and my clients aren't looking for elite fitness.  They just want to get leaner, look hot, and survive the impending zombie apocalypse.  

It's worth writing about CrossFit (again) since it continues to grow, and people continue to turn to it, or versions of it, for fat loss, thinking that soul crushing barf-inducing met-cons are the key to fat loss. (spoiler: they aren't).  

In fairness, I could have taken out CrossFit and subbed in P90X, Insantiy, or the name of any local bootcamp in your town, and the whole rest of this article would still be just as valid.  What elements were originally most unique about CrossFit are now the most universal and ubiquitus.  Now everywhere you see those elements, both good and bad.

Basically, trainers who are smart know that there is a lot that is awesome about CrossFit, and a lot that sucks about CrossFit.  Lets take a look:

What's Awesome About CrossFit

1. Big barbell movements: Squats, deadlifts, military presses, kettlebell swings, ect.
2. Big bodyweight movements: Pushups, handstands, pullups, single leg squats, dips, ect.
3. Workouts for time at high intensity sometimes

What's Irresponsible About CrossFit

1. Too many workouts for time at high intensity/not enough strength work
2. Too random/no plan/no logical progression
3. Workouts for time at high intensity to the point of bad form, puking, rhabdomyolysis, low back strains, shoulder impingement, ect.

Caveat: Some CrossFit Gyms Are Awesome

I can think of two dozen CrossFit gyms right now that are actually really awesome.  Smart, educated trainers, who put together smart workouts, have on-ramp programs, strength progressions, and don't push people past bad form on technical exercises.

I can think of a dozen *former* CrossFit gyms that I'd say the same thing about: Smart, educated trainers, who put together smart workouts, have on-ramp programs, strength progressions, and don't push people past bad form on technical exercises.

So there are awesome CrossFit gyms.  Those gyms are the exception.

I've seen hundreds of CrossFit gyms out there that *regulary* push people past good form, and jack people up on a regular basis.  You don't have to google very far to see hundreds of YouTube videos with terrible form (back rounding on deadlifts/cleans/kettlebell swings), lack of full hip extension + pulling with arms on kettlebell swings, shoulders elevated and head forward on any numer of movements.

You could dial all this back from 100% intensity to 90% intensity, and get the same results with less risk of tweaking yourself.  And there are places that do that.  And it's awesome.

And realize that every workout *isn't* the CrossFit Games.  Training is training, and competition is competition.  People who compete all of the time in training perform, at best, at a low ameture level.  

There are times to train hard, there are times to train smart, and there are times to work on form and recover.  

Zombieland: Best zombie movie of all time

Zombie Fighting Conditioning

So that's actually what your zombie fighting conditioning is going to look like:

1. A smart, planned, four phase progressive program
2. Strength work: Barbell, dumbbell, and bodyweight workouts
3. Full body circuits for conditioning: Dumbbell, kettlebell, and bodyweight workouts
4. Sprint work AND some endurance work

So, at first glance, it has some slightly CrossFit-ish qualities (like the movement choices), but the actual application is much more legitimate strength and conditioning.  There is a clearly defined progression from phase to phase, elements repeat at specific and regular intervals so that you can get good at them, and while there is variety, it's never at the expense of building strength.

It's one of the coolest workout programs I've seen in a while, and not *just* because I'm a huge zombie nerd, but also because it's awesome.

I've Talked Some Smack! Bring On The Hate Mail

So look, I really wasn't looking to knock CrossFit, as much as talk about what good things could be taken from it and what could be improved with some smart organization and progression.  

And yes, like I said, I am totally aware that there are both CrossFit gyms and former CrossFit gyms that have gone rogue that do smart versions that look a lot like this.

Good CrossFit gyms pay lip service to intensity and variety, but in the background they're doing structured strength programs, structured progressive endurance work, skill work, and moderating the amount of intensity vs. good form.  It's awesome, and it's the exception.

Intensity, randomness and variety look cool.  And in terms of marketing, it also sounds cool and feels cool.  Repeated throttlings sure do "feel" like they should get results.  And they do get results, for a very, very short amount of time.  Then you need something more structured.

You actually get better results with a smart plan, intelligent progression, and variety that is actually "same but different", as Pavel would say.

I just wanted to point out that metabolic conditioning workouts (circuits) are awesome, but they aren't the whole deal.  Kind of like when the cereal commercials mean that cereal could be part of your well balanced breakfast.  What they really mean is that you should add in stuff that's awesome and healthy, and then you can get away with doing some cereal also!  That's the way 100% balls to the wall metabolic conditioning is. 

100% balls to the wall metabolic conditioning all the time
= lucky charms cereal

strength work = steak, eggs, peppers, onions, cilantro

Dial it back just a little.  Be smart about it.  Increase the amount of work you can do with good form, not the amount of work you can do with bad form.

Zombie Apocalypse and Fat Loss

It's a good thing the Mayans gave us a heads up in time for Roman to put together this workout.  

And, besides the fact that you're going to need it to survive the end of the world, it's an awesome fat loss workout.  One of the best I've seen in a while.  

So while you are prepared to run and fight for your life, you're going to look awesome doing it.  If you like hard but smart workouts, and if you like zombies, you should check it out.  

Tomorrow, I'll be talking more zombies and less CrossFit.

Enjoy!

The Zombie Apocalypse Survival Workout